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Drafts of My Dog’s New Year’s Resolution

V1: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box.

V2: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box before breakfast.

V3: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box when company is over.

V4: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box when Grandma, who doesn’t like dogs, is over.

V5: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box in front of Mom/Dad.

V6: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box as soon as Mom/Dad leaves the room.

V7: I will not growl when Mom/Dad interrupts me while I’m eating out of the litter box.

V8: I will not pretend I have no idea how I got kitty litter stuck to my nose.

V9: I will not wag my tail out of pride for foraging my own dinner when Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.

V10: I will not sigh deeply as if I am the victim after Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.

V11: I will not do tippy-taps when I am caught “digging a hole to China” while I’m looking for snacks in the litter box.

V12: I will not bring snacks from the litter box into Mom/Dad’s bed.

V13: I will not make “bad” smells in Mom/Dad’s bed after I eat out of the litter box.

V14: I will not give Mom/Dad my sad puppy-dog eyes when my tummy hurts after I eat out of the litter box.

V15: I will not blame Mom/Dad because my tummy hurts after I eat out of the litter box.

V16: I will not get sick in the house after I eat out of the litter box.

V17: I will not get sick on the good rug after I eat out of the litter box.

V18: I will not clean up after myself after I get sick on the good rug after I eat out of the litter box.

V19: I will not try to find my litter-box snacks straight from the source.

Final: I will not actively seek out the cat when I am hungry.

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