“This here banger should grab your attention.”
“This semi-banger should alert your attention before the second track really grabs your attention.”
“Slowwwwwww fade in.”
“Honestly, this is the only track worth listening to, but it’s the pre-digital age, and we just forced you to buy a whole CD.”
“This is not the single you heard on the radio. We didn’t like that one as much, so we made it the ninth track, and we think you’ll be pleased to find we’re actually better than just the one radio hit.”
“One of our musicians is warming up.”
“How about a little HORN SECTION / CHOIR SECTION / ROBOT VOICE / ATMOSPHERIC NOISE before we get started?”
“These first five seconds will change history forever.”
“Look at us, adjusting the volume for you. Too loud? Too bad.”
“We boldly announce that we are clearly doing something quite different than on our last three albums, regardless of whether that holds true for the rest of this album.”
“Our lead singer has just a couple things to say to a woman while he diddles on a piano.”
“Yes, this is a concept album, and this is the theme-setting once-upon-a-time song.”
“Part 3 of the eleventh track, as the eleventh track is just parts 1&2.”
“Everything is in its right place, and you should have mixed feelings about that.”
“Here’s a tune that will sound familiar later when we reprise it toward the end, and you’ll be like, ’Wow, that’s neat how they wrapped it all up tidy like that.’”
“We got into a scuff with our producer, who threatened to scrap the entire project if we didn’t crank out a catchy opener in two days, so this one was his idea.”
“Just the first couple bars from track seven.”
“We’re just gonna come right out and say it: Our lyrics are weird and off-putting.”
“A short poem, set to music or background noise.”
“While we are not an a capella band, nor have we or will we ever record an a capella track, here is a full minute of a capella stuff.”
“I am trying to break your heart, specifically with antique cymbals.”
“Just an eagle screaming for a few seconds.”
