“Dubai influencers’ lives of luxury interrupted by Iran strikes: ‘The image of safety has been shattered.’” — The Guardian
Thanks to everyone who has reached out to me. Never did I imagine that my [HOLIDAY / EXOTIC FOOD CRAWL / COMPED STAY IN THIS SIX–STAR HOTEL & SPA] would be interrupted by a war whose geopolitical consequences would be so unfathomable, and whose timing would be so inconvenient to me personally.
When I first planned this trip, I had no idea that war was even on the horizon. I guess that’s what happens when you get your news from [MEMES / GROK / COTTAGECORE TOK / THE CBS SUBSTACK]. My spidey sense did tell me that something bad was coming, but I thought that was just the effects of the seafood-themed buffet. By the time I put two and two together, all the plane tickets were sold out, while I was still a little drunk from the bottomless ouzo fountain.
I can’t believe how many people around the world are suffering so needlessly. Last night, for example, I was with about thirty other stranded [EXPATS / CULINARY TOURISTS / VLOGGERS / MLM FINANCIERS]. In the middle of an arak pong tournament, we heard sirens and then a boom. Everyone quickly rushed to pour their drinks into pitchers so we could continue playing in the basement shelter. We posted everything live, but there’s still a reel you can like and comment on, if you want to support me during this difficult time. Don’t forget to subscribe!
It’s wild that the skies have been closed for so many days in a row. I admit that I’m beginning to feel restricted and constrained. Ordinarily, I’m accustomed to the complete freedom to [TRAVEL / SPEND MY INHERITED FORTUNE / TAKE CAMEL JOY RIDES TO LUXURY TENT PIAZZAS SET UP JUST FOR ME AND MY ENTOURAGE]. Everything is truly a learning experience.
Like many of you back home, I’m afraid that this war will escalate further. And if there is indeed a conflagration, I know you’re probably asking yourselves the same question: What will it mean for people like me? I’m supposed to travel to at least fifty-eight countries in the next fiscal quarter, and I don’t see how I’m going to hit that target under these circumstances. Why can’t world leaders ever think of the [LITTLE GUY / DIGITAL NOMADS / ME AND MY COTERIE OF STYLISTS, ALGORITHM ANALYSTS, AND PORTABLE–RING–LIGHT HOLDERS]?
It’s really nice when people check up on me, given how worried I am about the situation. I appreciate it when they ask how I’m holding up. It’s especially gratifying when they tell me how brave I am to be enduring this war with my forward-looking attitude and my [GORILLA MINDSET / SIGMA LOOKSMAXXING APPROACH / TOXIC POSITIVITY]. Rest assured, as of this writing, I still have access to [FOOD / WATER / CAVIAR / TANGHULU SKEWERS /THE ACROBATIC GYMNASTIC WORKSHOP IN THE MAIN POOL].
I guess I must learn the deep lesson that nothing, in fact, is under my control. Try as we might to write our destinies, in the end, the [GODS / FATES / LEADERS WHO MEASURE THEIR DICKS] have the final say. That’s a bitter pill to swallow, along with [GLOBAL UNCERTAINTY / REDUCED CONNECTIVITY / MY MITOCHONDRIA–LONGEVITY TABLET].
I’ll say one thing this experience has taught me: The war has made me feel connected to other people. Even though the vast majority of people impacted by the missile and drone barrages don’t have the means to [TRAVEL / MONETIZE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR MATCHA DRINKS / SELL PREMIUM REAL ESTATE TO OIL TYCOONS], this conflict just shows how we’re all in this together. And that’s the beautiful and spiritual message I’ll take with me when I leave on the first [JET / YACHT / HOVERCRAFT] out of here.
