My dear constituents,
Like you, I am deeply troubled by the Atrocity Machine’s recent activity. It is a stain on our nation, and we must take action. With this in mind, I am proud to announce that we are dedicating billions of dollars to the Atrocity Machine.
Don’t think this is a giveaway. In exchange for an ever-increasing budget and the state’s parajudicial control, the Atrocity Machine has agreed to key reforms. These include mandatory training for anyone who operates the Atrocity Machine, promises to live-stream the Machine’s apocalyptic terror for all to see, and a fresh coat of paint. If history teaches us anything, it is that modest reform is the most effective way to tame a rogue, fire-spitting Leviathan.
Reform takes negotiation, and sometimes that means playing hardball. In this case, that means giving the Machine a budget greater than the GDP of Chile. It is critical that the Machine has a guaranteed pile of money, then we can hash out minor points like disarmament or habeas corpus.
Sure, we created the Atrocity Machine. In fact, most of you remember life before the Atrocity Machine. But it’s not like we can get rid of it. Think of all the good, honest people who work on the Atrocity Machine. They looked at this vast, unwieldy mass of bureaucratic despotism and said, “Sign me up.” That takes courage.
Crisis demands leadership. As your representative, I will fulfill my oath the only way I know how, by pressing a giant button that says “Feed the Moloch” over and over again. In theory, I could not press that button, or press a different button that gives people healthcare, but after five decades in elected office, it’s hard to imagine doing anything else.
Rest assured, I will fight for your rights. You have a right to know when and where the Atrocity Machine will attack you, just as you have the right to scream for mercy as it destroys you and anyone who stands in its way. Nobody can take that away from you. Unless the Machine doesn’t like that, in which case we will negotiate your right to scream in exchange for an even larger budget.
I believe that with the right tweaks, we can make the Atrocity Machine work for everyone. We’ll build a better, more progressive Atrocity Machine. Just keep the faith, and we’ll take our country back, one microscopic adjustment at a time.
