“We need to prepare for the possibility that the U.S. uses military coercion against Canada.” — Headline from op-ed in The Globe and Mail.
Jamming vital infrastructure with Anne of Green Gables souvenirs
Giving birth to future resistance fighters without taking on crippling debt
Using that year-long parental leave to transform dried maple leaves into lethal throwing stars
Locating resistance headquarters in New Brunswick, where invading forces will never think to look
Casually walking past armored vehicles stuck in snowbanks without even offering to push
Conceding Alberta
Establishing an underground network consisting of retired men taking up tables all morning at Tim Hortons
Milk in plastic bags
Smiling politely at invaders but talking shit behind their back
Confounding invaders by using the metric system but also incorporating imperial measures in specific but not especially logical ways
Sneaking behind enemy lines disguised as Loverboy cover bands
Dropping the gloves
Holding our liquor
Not saying “sorry”
Weaponized smugness
Weaponized beavers
Sunglasses at night
French
